OPENING SCENE
It's nighttime in downtown San Francisco, half way up a hill we see a car where two people are enjoying the end of an intimate evening. We hear off in the distance a trolley ringing it's bell.
DEREK: What's your problem?
Derek Philby is with teacher Beth Landow, they are becoming romantic in the front seat.
BETH: Derek, you're avoiding the subject!
He begins nuzzling Beth's neck.
DEREK: What's wrong with the subject? Your neck is my favorite subject!
Beth laughs as he tickles her.
DEREK: Let's go inside!
BETH: You can't! You have to get up early tomorrow. The SATs, remember?
DEREK: I'm not taking the stupid test, I'm just making sure the little bastards don't cheat!
BETH: What about Lori?
DEREK: My wife? She took the SATs. I think she got about a sixteen eighty.
BETH: I'm serious. If you don't tell her - I mean soon - I mean tonight...I'm going to do something about it myself!
DEREK: Beth, honey, come on now! We don't want to go there...
BETH: We are there! This isn't one of your science experiments where you get to control everything! This is my life too!
DEREK: Honey...
BETH: I'm not 25 years old anymore!
DEREK: I know, honey.
BETH: We could be happy anywhere.
Seeing she's in a lighter mood, he reaches out to touch her face again, sidling up for a kiss.
DEREK: I mean - just think...
BETH: No, no more stalling Derek! I mean it this time! I'm giving you until tomorrow night!
DEREK: Beth...!
She opens the door of the car and steps out in front of the vehicle. Derek chases after her, unwilling to let it drop.
DEREK: Look, you're right. I'll tell her tonight as soon as she gets home.
BETH: Just tell her. Be brutal. "When 'tis done, twere wellit were done quickly."
DEREK: You have a quote for everything, don't you?
BETH: That's "Macbeth." That's what you get for dating an English teacher.
DEREK: All right, tomorrow -- meet me at 8:00 before the test, our usual spot. I'll tell you how it went.
She seems pleased by this and touches the front of his shirt.
*NEXT SCENE*
The exterior to a pristine California college - it could almost be Berkeley. We see several shots, including one of a clock tower. Inside, students are taking exams, pencils busy writing on paper as they are writing out their answers. Professor Derek Philby is reading a paper at his desk up front.
Suddenly, the quiet out front is shattered when a woman's body hits the windshield of a car, apparently falling from above. The car alarm goes off, Derek looks up and we see over his shoulder that the time is 8:25 on the wall clock. Derek looks up with a suspicious smirk on his face. The students become concerned at the noise and stop what they're doing. A girl runs to the window and several others follow. The woman on the car is Beth, she's dead. Derek just sits there, unmoved.
*OPENING CREDITS*
*SCENE*
We see the scene opening where we are in Adrian Monk's apartment, he and Sharona are playing a game of chess. Sharona looks on disgusted as she watches Adrian systematically arranging each chess piece on the board so it's perfectly in the middle of each square. She is still waiting for her turn.
SHARONA: Adrian, don't do that!
MONK: I'm just centering the pieces.
SHARONA: I know what you're doing. I'm trying to concentrate.
MONK: Hold on. You'll thank me later.
SHARONA: You always say that. Have I ever once thanked you later?
MONK: No.
SHARONA: Are you done?
MONK: Wait! Okay.
Sharona tries to make a move.
MONK: [ Laughing ] No. You don't want to move there.
SHARONA: Why not?
MONK: I'll capture your queen with my bishop.
Suddenly - Sharona picks up the queen from the board and puts it in her mouth. She sucks a bit on the crown and then more elaborately takes the whole thing between her lips. Adrian looks totally shocked.
MONK: What are you doing?! What --
SHARONA: Your move!
She smiles smugly at him.
MONK: Okay. Okay, I win. You just forfeited.
SHARONA: Why?
MONK: You can't do that. It's illegal.
SHARONA: What?
MONK: You know what. You can't lick the queen.
SHARONA: She's my queen!
MONK: It doesn't matter whose queen it is. You can't lick any queen. It's an unwritten rule.
SHARONA: There's an unwritten licking the queen rule?
MONK: You're not even allowed to touch a piece during a game. You can ask anybody.
SHARONA: Oh, my god, you have been touching pieces left and right! You have been sexually harassing every piece on this board!
MONK: I was centering them. That's different.
SHARONA: How's that different?
MONK: Okay. Okay. Okay! I'll move. There!
She moves her piece forward and in one move -
SHARONA: Check!
Adrian throws up his hands in disgust, and accepts his defeat.
[ Telephone rings ]
SHARONA: Adrian Monk's office. Can you just hold on one sec? Adrian, do you know an Arleen Cassidy?
MONK: Arleen Cassidy? Oh, my god. Trudy used to talk about her all the time. They went to high school together.
SHARONA: Oh. Hi. I'm sorry. Uh-huh, sure. Yes, I know where that is. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Thank you. Adrian, she really wants to talk to us. She just gave me the address. She said it's very important.
MONK: Do you think we should go?
SHARONA: It could be a job!
MONK: Do you want to leave now?
SHARONA: Yeah!
MONK: Before we finish the game?
SHARONA: Yeah.
MONK: Then you forfeit.
He gets up and walks out as Sharona looks pissed that he managed to get the upper hand in the last after all.
*NEXT SCENE at the COLLEGE*
Sharona pulls up to the handicap parking place out front.
MONK: Wait! This is a handicapped space.
SHARONA: I think we qualify. Wow. This is where Trudy went to school? How'd she afford it?
MONK: On scholarship. Ah, she loved it here. She described it to me in such detail. I almost feel like I went to school here.
Adrian walks around in a daze up the steps following Sharona, he stares around at him in awe. There is a groundskeeper talking to someone at the top of the steps on his cell, a rake in one hand.
MONK: Trudy...
GROUNDSKEEPER: All right, then let it ride. Yeah, bet the whole $200. What's the spread on Michigan?
SHARONA: Uh, excuse me, excuse me!
GROUNDSKEEPER: Hold on, J.J...can I help you?
SHARONA: Yeah, we're looking for an Arleen Cassidy? She's the vice principal.
GROUNDSKEEPER: Ah yeah? You reporters?
SHARONA: No, we're with the police.
Adrian suddenly walks up to him, managing to get his mind off of the surrounding atmosphere of his beloved, Trudy.
MONK: My wife went here...did you know her? Trudy Ellison?
GROUNDSKEEPER: No, I only been here a year.
MONK: She was valedictorian.
GROUNDSKEEPER: Great. Congratulations.
MONK: She was on the yearbook committee --
Sharona interrupts his trip down memory lane...
SHARONA: Adrian...he didn't know her.
Adrian just nods and wanders off again on his own.
SHARONA: Um, where would we find Miss Cassidy?
GROUNDSKEEPER: Uh, administration building, second floor.
SHARONA: Thanks. Oh! Sorry. Were you here this morning?
GROUNDSKEEPER: No. Missed it. Thank god, huh? Heartbreaking, isn't it? But what are you gonna do?
He goes back to his phone, not going on with his shallow sentiment anymore.
GROUNDSKEEPER: Hey, you there?
*SCENE CHANGE*
We see the vice principle of the school, Arleen Cassidy is walking alongside Sharona and Adrian. Adrian is walking on the cobblestone path, carefully trying to step on every single, irregular one and avoiding the cracks. Both Arleen and Sharona are ignoring his little bizarre routine.
ARLEEN: I was living in New York when I heard the news about Trudy. I cried for weeks.
MONK: Ahh. We all cried.
ARLEEN: And they never caught the people responsible?
SHARONA: We're still looking. Were you and Trudy close?
ARLEEN: Oh, we were like sisters. But everybody felt that way about Trudy. I helped her through algebra, and she got me through English lit. She was a wonderful writer. Did you ever read any of her poems?
MONK: I read them almost every night.
ARLEEN: Oh. I'm so sorry I never made it to the wedding. Was it wonderful?
Adrian almost seems misty-eyed as she looked up.
MONK: It was...wonderful.
SHARONA: So, uh, what happened here today?
ARLEEN: One of my teachers died a few hours ago. I'm still shaking. Um, her name was Beth Landow. She was first-rate -- one of the best English teachers I had. They found her over there by the clock tower. The police are calling it an apparent suicide.
MONK: But you don't believe them?
ARLEEN: No, it's not that - I don't believe them. But they didn't know her.
MONK: Why don't you think Miss Landow killed herself?
ARLEEN: Look, Beth worried --maybe too much. She cared -- maybe too much, but she was not suicidal. I will never believe that, ever.
MONK: You want me to look into it? I-I can pay you.
MONK: No. No, uh, I couldn't take a nickel.
Sharona just stares at him, appalled that she can see another paycheck floating out the window.
MONK: It's for Trudy!
*SCENE CHANGE*
Now we are on top of said clock tower. The police are milling about doing their job investigating the crime scene. Lt. Disher comes up a set of stairs to join Capt. Stottlemeyer giving his instructions to his officers. Disher is speaking into a police radio.
DISHER: Just tell him to wait. I'll let him know.
We hear a woman's disjointed voice over the radio and then he turns it off.
STOTTLEMEYER: Okay, boys and girls, let's wrap it up! That's it! Tell the medical examiner we're on our way, and I want that report on my desk in the morning.
Disher comes up to talk to Stottlemeyer in confidence.
DISHER: Captain, Adrian Monk is downstairs.
STOTTLEMEYER: Why?
DISHER: The vice principal asked him to look into it. It turns out that Trudy, his former... ex...well, late...
STOTTLEMEYER: Yeah, I know who Trudy was, lieutenant.
DISHER: This is her alma mater. He'd like to come upstairs.
Stottlemeyer looks disgruntled and Adrian Monk hasn't even made his appearance yet.
STOTTLEMEYER: Hang on! Nobody move! What am I forgetting? I mean, we got the prints off the railing?
DISHER: Yes, sir.
STOTTLEMEYER: We've got photographs of everything, every angle. Did you bag the shoes?
DISHER: Yes, sir! Done!
STOTTLEMEYER: The medical examiner will get the tissue and the fibers.
DISHER: Don't worry, sir. We're covered here.
STOTTLEMEYER: We got the coat...
:
DISHER: Sir, we've got it!
STOTTLEMEYER: All right, let him up.
DISHER: Bring him up!
Adrian peers up from the stairwell, still unsure about climbing actually up to the top. His eyes peer around him with fear as we only see the top of his head. Both Disher and Stottlemeyer cock their head to one side to watch his little reaction with veiled amusement. Eventually, Sharona coaxes him the full way up and Adrian puts his hands up in defense of not only the sight of how far he's up, but to avoid touching anything around him. He runs his elbow into a beam, Sharona has to guide him along.
SHARONA: Don't look down!
STOTTLEMEYER: Morning Monk!
MONK: Captain.
Stottlemeyer shakes Adrian's hand, almost as if to spite his illness, Sharona digs out a wipe for him. Then Disher and Sharona exchange their usual caustic little greeting.
DISHER: Sharona.
SHARONA: Lieutenant.
STOTTLEMEYER: Well, I imagine this is your worst nightmare -- a crime scene on a roof.
MONK: No, it's not my worst nightmare. It's my fourth worst. No, wait -- fifth. No, fourth! Fourth --fourth or fifth. I didn't bring the list with me.
SHARONA: What's homicide doing here? It's supposed to be a suicide.
DISHER: It's not a suicide until we say it's a suicide.
Sharona rolls his eyes at his macho act.
DISHER: This happens to be one.
MONK: No signs of a struggle?
STOTTLEMEYER: No, she left her jacket neatly folded over there.
MONK: What -- what's that?
There is a chalk mark around two large impressions on the floor that police are hovering over.
STOTTLEMEYER: Those are her shoes.
MONK: She folded her jacket there? Why did she leave the shoes over here?
STOTTLEMEYER: She jumped! She was taking antidepressants, and we found a note.
DISHER: It was in one of her pockets.
MONK: It's printed.
STOTTLEMEYER: Yeah.
MONK: Usually, they're written long-hand.
Stottlemeyer paces impatiently listening to his rant.
STOTTLEMEYER: I've seen 'em printed. I've seen 'em written, I've seen 'em written in blood, I've seen 'em written in crayon. I've seen it all.
The captain wanders over to the edge of the tower on the right side and sits on the stone trim for support. Adrian panics and holds out his hand to him, begging for him to come away from the edge.
MONK: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, easy, easy!
The captain grins in amusement at his concern, and leans back more over the edge. Disher just smiles to himself.
Adrian reads the note.
MONK: "To whomever I may have hurt, the world and its problems are just too much. I am so sorry. Beth." I don't think Beth Landow wrote this note.
STOTTLEMEYER: Why not?
MONK: Well, it should be 'its', I-T-S, no apostrophe. And then here it would be 'whoever' not 'whomever.' This wasn't written by a "first-rate" English teacher.
STOTTLEMEYER: Well, she was distraught.
Disher takes the note, as if wondering if Monk is right and on to something - but still says...
DISHER: She wasn't thinking straight!
STOTTLEMEYER: It's a suicide note, for Christ's sake!!
MONK: Did anybody see her jump?
DISHER: No! About 50 kids heard it, though.
Disher moves over to the front of the tower and leans over the side, Sharona and Stottlemeyer do the same. Adrian doesn't move and looks distressed to see everyone on the brink like they are. But, he can't move.
DISHER: Everyone was inside, taking the SATs at the time.
MONK: They were in the main building? How did they hear anything?
STOTTLEMEYER: She hit a car. The alarm went off.
MONK: She hit a car...?
STOTTLEMEYER: Yeah, come look!
He seems to try to bait Adrian now, Adrian stands on his tiptoe to make an effort. But, that's about it.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Now we see the car that Beth hit in the parking lot, surrounded by yellow police tape and we can hear the radio of the police dispatcher nearby as Disher, Sharona, Adrian and Stottlemeyer come up to it.
SHARONA: How old was she?
DISHER: 36.
MONK: Which one was her car?
DISHER: White Corolla, right over there.
Disher points somewhere else. They all circle the suspect car instead.
MONK: Uh-huh. And whose car was this?
Disher reads off of his case file while standing alongside Sharona.
DISHER: Derek Philby!
STOTTLEMEYER: Another teacher. Is there a problem?
MONK: Well, why would anyone park here with all these broken bottles? He could've parked anywhere.
Stottlemeyer looks down, then looks up as if wanting to try to get him to keep producing the clues as he goes along.
STOTTLEMEYER: I've parked on broken bottles before.
MONK: And the doors are unlocked?
STOTTLEMEYER: Yeah, it's a safe neighborhood.
MONK: You're right. It is a safe neighborhood. So...why was the alarm turned on?
*SCENE CHANGE*
Inside the college, three teachers including Derek Philby sit around a table having coffee and discussing Beth's supposed suicide.
FEMALE TEACHER: It doesn't make sense.
MALE TEACHER: It never does.
FEMALE TEACHER: She just cut her hair last week. Well, why would she do that if she was planning to --
MALE TEACHER: My sister suffers from depression. It works that way sometimes. It just overwhelms you.
Behind the teachers, we see Sharona and Adrian entering the room from the hall.
DEREK: I didn't really know her. Did she have any family?
MALE TEACHER: A brother in St. Louis, I think.
MONK: Excuse me. Ahem, excuse me, um, my name is Adrian Monk. And this is Sharona Fleming, my assistant.
Sharona immediately corrects him.
SHARONA: Coll - Colleague!
MONK: My assistant slash colleague.
SHARONA: Colleague slash assistant!
MONK: Um, I know this is a very difficult time... uh, I just wanted to ask you a few questions.
DEREK: Are you a policeman, Mr. Monk?
MONK: Used to be. Um... I'm a private consultant now,
Adrian tears off a paper towel from a table near the door. He reachs for a coffee pot on the burner and starts taking the decaffeinated and mixing it with the caffeinated.
MONK: And, uh... I'm just helping the department with their report.
Derek looks on in amazement, and the male teacher is frankly shocked at his behavior. Sharona just looks embarrassed as she stares for a moment at her feet, then she reaches up and taps Adrian's side with her hand to get him to stop.
MONK: Were you all here when Miss Landow died?
MALE TEACHER: That's right. The students were taking their SATs. We were proctoring the test.
MONK: So -- so you were all together?
Adrian stares closely at the coffee pots now to make sure they are even.
MALE TEACHER: No, we were in different classrooms.
SHARONA: Adrian...!
Adrian starts mixing the coffee again, unhappy with the measurements.
DEREK: Excuse me, what are you doing?
MONK: Oh - um...just making them even.
Derek looks highly amused at the little display. He holds up his hand as he explains the logic to Adrian.
DEREK: But you're mixing the regular with the decaf!
Adrian looks up and sets down one of the coffee pots. Derek is utterly amazed by him.
MONK: But they're even.
Adrian shrugs and smiles. Derek is persistent as he continues to talk with his hands.
DEREK: But they're mixed together.
Sharona just looks down, trying to hide her anger as the inane conversation continues with her boss.
MONK: But they're --they're even.
Derek refuses to give up.
DEREK: But they're mixed together.
Now Sharona stares defiantly at Adrian, daring him to get in the last word. He seems reluctant - but - replies more to her than to Derek.
MONK: But they're even...
Derek grins watching the comical interchange. He can't resist humiliating him more.
DEREK: But they're mixed together.
Sharona glares at Adrian, just testing his audacity as her mouth hangs open. Adrian seems afraid to speak for a moment, but can't help but top Derek one last time. Sharona gives up, but covers her mouth in shock.
MONK: But they're even...So the test was in progress when the car alarm sounded?
MALE TEACHER: Yes, we started the test at 8:20. On the dot.
Adrian is leaning over to exam the coffee pots once again, when Sharona more persistently grabs for his side to stop him. He looks away and finally leaves it alone.
MONK: On the dot?
MALE TEACHER: On the dot!
MONK: On the dot?
The male teacher is giving him a look as if to ask 'is he for real?'
FEMALE TEACHER: It starts at the same time all across the country. It's a standardized test.
DEREK: You've never taken the SATs?
MONK: No, no, they gave me a different test.
Adrian wanders closer to the table to stand behind the teachers and across from Derek, Sharona follows him.
SHARONA: Can you think of any reason why Beth would've killed herself?
FEMALE TEACHER: You know we were just talking about that.
DEREK: Didn't she say anything in her note?
MONK: No! It was pretty vague. Ah...you're Mr. Philby?
DEREK: That's right! Derek Philby.
MONK: And you teach...?
DEREK: Chemistry and biology.
Sharona looks unimpressed by him as she puts her hands on her hips, Derek is smiling now knowing the attention has shifted to him.
SHARONA: And it was your car that she landed on, right?
DEREK: Yeah. Even if they can fix it, I can't imagine driving it. It just wouldn't --it wouldn't feel right.
Derek holds his cup, pensively as he tries to have a look of despair cross his expression. Neither Adrian nor Sharona seem convinced.
MONK: No, of course not. Of course not. Could I ask you something?
DEREK: Apparently, there's no stopping you.
Derek smiles.
MONK: Why did you park by the tower? Isn't there faculty parking near the classrooms?
DEREK: I was going to take a jog after the SATs, so I wanted to park by the field. Which reminds me, I need to call a taxi to get home. I have the number in here somewhere.
Derek pulls out his wallet and begins fiddling through it. As he does, he sets it down on the counter and we see a circular impression in the leather as he puts it down on the table next to a pen marked 'Modesta Inn'.
MONK: You left your car alarm on?
DEREK: Hmm?
MONK: You left your car alarm on, but your doors were unlocked.
Derek laughs.
DEREK: I forgot. I guess I'm not perfect.
Monk laughs in reply, rather smugly.
MONK: I guess you're not!
Sharona immediately catches his contotation and grins at him.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Adrian and Sharona are walking quickly out into the courtyard together, talking animatedly.
MONK: He's the guy!
SHARONA: Who's the guy?
MONK: Mr. Science, Derek Philby! He asked about a suicide note. I never mentioned a note.
SHARONA: Well, maybe he just assumed. Isn't there usually a suicide note?
MONK: As a matter of fact, there isn't! Also, he cheats on his wife.
SHARONA: How do we know this?
MONK: Wedding ring!
SHARONA: He was wearing his wedding ring!
MONK: Yes, I know, but he takes it off a lot. When he opened his wallet, I noticed a small indentation in the leather where he keeps it.
SHARONA: You noticed that --a little indentation?
MONK: It's a gift -- and a curse. He's the guy!
SHARONA: But, Adrian, he was proctoring the SATs at the time, and there were 50 students in the room.
MONK: That's true!
Sharona stops walking beside Adrian and holds him up for a moment.
SHARONA: So how could he have killed her? He can't be in two places at once!
MONK: I know, it's impossible. But he's the guy!
Adrian wanders off, and Sharona just rolls her eyes and follows.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Inside the vice principle, Arleen Cassidy's office. Adrian and Sharona are looking at old college pictures and trophies lining the walls. One in particular.
ADRIAN: There's my girl!
We see a younger picture of Trudy surrounded by girls in some athletic league.
SHARONA: She looked happy.
MONK: Oh, she was very happy. She hadn't met me yet.
Arleen walks in from the side carrying a book. Adrian and Sharona turn to her.
ARLEEN: You wanted to see her appointment book? This is a copy. The police took the original.
Sharona takes it from her.
SHARONA: Thanks!
MONK: Can you tell me about Derek Philby?
ARLEEN: Yeah, he's the most popular teacher in the school. He has a wonderful family. We're gonna miss him terribly.
SHARONA: He's leaving?
About this time, Adrian wanders off behind Sharona and examines the inboxes of the teachers. There he carefully rifles through Beth Landow's box and notices a pamphlet for The Modesto Inn.
ARLEEN: He got another job. He's going to be headmaster at Lincoln Academy in Marin County. It's a big promotion.
MONK: Ms. Cassidy, could Beth Landow have been involved with Derek Philby?
ARLEEN: Beth and Derek? I don't think so. Why?
MONK: He was using a pen from the Modesto Inn. I think I'd like to spend a little more time with Mr. Philby, get to know him better.
Adrian comes to stand alongside Sharona.
SHARONA: Adrian, you can't skulk around the school.
MONK: I'm not going to skulk! I don't skulk!
SHARONA: Stottlemeyer said the investigation is officially over.
MONK: She's right!
ARLEEN: We still haven't found a substitute to take Beth's class...
Adrian's eyes light up and he gets a huge grin on his face, Sharona takes one look at him and knows what he has in mind.
SHARONA: Don't even think about it! They're teenagers!
*SCENE CHANGE*
Adrian walks into the classroom full of teenagers taking their literature class. He looks a bit hesitant.
[ Bell rings ]
MONK: [ Weakly ] Hello. I understand that, uh, it's been a very difficult time for everybody. I'm going to be filling in for...two or three days. And my name... is Mr...
At this point, Adrian goes to the chalkboard and picks up a piece of chalk. Very slowly and methodically he begins to put his name on the board. He has to get every single line just perfect and straight, erasing it a couple of times. This whole scene takes several minutes, even making a huge dot in Mr. and then erasing once more, as he continues on until he gets Mr. on the board.
[ Students murmuring and giggling ]
MONK: [ Chalk squeaks ] Mr.
Now comes the hard part, writing Monk on the board. When Adrian comes to the o in Monk, he grabs a spare paper cup off of Beth's desk and traces his chalk around it against the board. One student starts to mock drill a pen into his forehead as most of the others start snickering even more. Finally, he's satisfied and puts the chalk down.
MONK: [ Murmuring and giggling continue ] Monk. Mr. Monk. Okay. I understand that you've been, uh, reading "The Red Badge of Courage" by Stephen Crane. It's one of my favorite books. We'll start with chapter one.
As he goes to write Chapter One on the board, he notices something is off with his name and stops what he's doing.
MONK: What's up with that "k"?
Suddenly, someone throws a chalk-laden eraser at the back of Adrian's head. It smashes to the floor leaving a huge chalk mark on his hair and shoulders. Adrian freezes and has trouble breathing, as the big kid in the back who threw it begins laughing to his friends.
Outside we notice Sharona coming down the hall to take a peek in the door and see how Adrian is doing. When she sees her boss frozen with fear - a piece of chalk in his hand, she panics and rushes in the room. She runs to Adrian's side.
SHARONA: Oh, my god. Adrian, Adrian! Are you okay? What happened?
Adrian can barely speak as he points to the back of his head, Sharona cradles him close.
MONK: Chalk -- dust...[ Coughs ] I have to go to the nurse...I...can't breathe.
Sharona takes the chalk from his hand, softly whispering to him, she sits him down in his chair. Adrian looks in pain.
SHARONA: Give me that. You don't have to go to the nurse. Just sit down.
She bends down to retrieve the eraser from the floor and stares at the class.
SHARONA: Okay, who threw this?!
She sees immediately a few guys horsing around in back, especially one in particular about the size of a linebacker. His name is Kyle Patterson, his father is the school's head coach. She walks up to him and stands over him, imposingly.
SHARONA: What's your name?
KYLE: I didn't do it!
SHARONA: Look, I know when a man's lying, okay? I was married for 3 1/2 years!
KYLE: I didn't do it!
SHARONA: I know that smirk! My husband had that same stupid smirk on his face when he got back from Bally's, where it turns out he spent the weekend with Betsy Bennet, his so-called ex-girlfriend!
KYLE: Bally's, lady? What are you talking about?
Sharona has had enough of his bull and picks up the big guy's hand.
SHARONA: Is that chalk on your hand? Maybe I should call your parents.
KYLE: You don't have to. My dad's a gym teacher here, and he's going to be pissed!
SHARONA: I'm really scared.
KYLE: You should be!
She stomps firmly down on his foot, so the kid screams in surprise.
KYLE: Ow, lady!! You're gonna get fired!
SHARONA: Yeah? I don't work here, chump!
Satisfied, Sharona walks back up to poor Adrian up front and puts her arm around him.
[ Bell rings ]
The class immediately gets up and starts tapering out past the both of them. Sharona gives everyone a sad look, as Adrian still is muddling by.
MONK: Okay, great. Great work, everybody. [ Coughs ] For tomorrow, read chapters one and -- uh...one... uh, read whatever the hell you want!
*SCENE CHANGE*
The cafeteria where several students are getting their lunch. Adrian and Sharona grab a tray, Sharona grabs some utensils. Adrian is too busy scrubbing his tray down to do much of anything else.
SHARONA: Brings back memories, huh?
MONK: Yeah. Mostly bad ones. Did you check out Beth Landow's appointment book?
SHARONA: Yeah. Nothing unusual. She had a doctor's appointment three days ago. I'm looking into it.
In the line near the counter, a cafeteria lady drops a strange, unrecognizable concotion onto Sharona's plate.
SHARONA: Thank you!
MONK: From this angle, that looks a little bit like food.
The lady behind the counter looks at him with a dour face.
CAFETERIA LADY: It's vegetarian lasagna.
MONK: No thank you.
Adrian turns away from the scary food to observe the other students and for a moment sees scenes he recognizes from when he was that age.
MONK: I bet you always sat at the popular kids' table. I bet that was you over there!
Sharona turns to see what he's looking at and sees a pretty blonde teen at a table gabbing with her friends. Sharona smiles with familiarity, then she turns to Adrian.
SHARONA: Where were you?
MONK: I'm over there!
We see where he's pointing out this awkward young man being jostled and bumped by two bullys in line, spilling his tray on the floor.
MONK: I should go over and talk to him.
SHARONA: What would you say?
MONK: Things get worse!
Sharona gives him a dirty look as he shrugs.
CAFETERIA LADY: Mixed vegetables or mac and cheese?
SHARONA: Can I have both?
A big dollop of the horrendous stuff is dumped unceremoniously onto Sharona's plate. Adrian's worst nightmare.
MONK: Can I have neither?
*SLIGHT SCENE SHIFT*
Adrian and Sharona find a table where two of Philby's students are sitting talking to themselves. Adrian is carrying his tray with absolutely nothing on it, fork ready.
MALE TEEN: If I don't get at least a 1550, my dad is going to kill me.
MONK: Excuse me, um, did you take the SATs on Saturday?
MALE TEEN: Yeah.
MONK: Uh, by any chance, were you in, uh, Mr. Philby's room?
FEMALE TEEN: Yeah.
MONK: So when Miss Landow died, you heard the car alarm go off --
MALE TEEN: Everybody did. There were people screaming.
MONK: I guess everyone ran to the window then, huh?
MALE TEEN: Yeah, pretty much.
MONK: What did Mr. Philby do? Did you happen to notice?
FEMALE TEEN: Yeah, we were talking about that later. He never moved. He never even looked up.
We see Derek himself making his way down the line greeting his students as he does in a friendly way.
ANOTHER TEEN: What's up, Mr. P.?
DEREK: Randy! Good luck today. You got another shut out in ya?
ANOTHER TEEN: You know it.
DEREK: Thataboy.
He comes up to Adrian and hits his arm good-naturedly with his hand. Adrian just braves a smile, still hating to be touched - you just know that Derek knows it too.
DEREK: Mr. Monk!
ADRIAN: Derek.
Derek has an apple in his hand, munching it as he stands at Adrian's right side.
DEREK: Heard you were filling in today. How'd it go?
MONK: It was...great. It was great.
DEREK: Actually, I heard you got off to a bit of a rough start.
Adrian's face changes as he feels inadequate suddenly, and Derek knows it too and so he takes control. You have a sense he's rubbing salt into his wounds rather than being helpful.
DEREK: A little friendly advice --control the classroom. Don't let 'em see you sweat.
Sharona instantly steps up to his defense from across the table, as Derek takes a big bite of his green apple.
SHARONA: Believe me, he's much better at his other job.
DEREK: Which is what?
SHARONA: Catching murderers.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Derek is coming down the front steps to the college outside, about to race off to his awaiting wife's car when he's stopped by the groundskeeper still raking up some leaves over on the lawn.
GROUNDSKEEPER: Mr. Philby?
DEREK: Yes.
GROUNDSKEEPER: Got a minute?
DEREK: Actually, no. My wife is picking me up.
The groundskeeper seems undeterred by the information and continues talking.
GROUNDSKEEPER: I have an ethical question for you. Yesterday, I was talking to that policeman Mr. Monk, and I lied to him. That's wrong, isn't it? Lying to a policeman...
Now he has Derek's attention as he looks at the man warily. He knows he's cornered and doesn't like where this conversation is heading.
GROUNDSKEEPER: It's been bothering me all day.
DEREK: What did you tell him?
GROUNDSKEEPER: He wanted to know if I saw anything Saturday morning -- anything unusual --and I told him I didn't. But the fact is, Mr. P., I did. I gotta give you credit. It was pretty clever how you pulled that off.
He keeps on listening to the incrimination. Derek's wife is growing impatient.
WIFE: [ Horn honks ] Honey!
Derek waves to her to let her know he has heard her. He looks upset and squirmy as he puts his hand on the back of his head.
GROUNDSKEEPER: At first, I didn't know what the hell I was looking at. Pretty smart.
DEREK: Apparently, not smart enough.
GROUNDSKEEPER: Here's the thing. I'll cut right to the thing. I owe some friends of mine some money.
DEREK: How much?
GROUNDSKEEPER: $10,000. And I need it by tomorrow.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Outside the school gymnasium, where a basketball practice is taking place. Adrian and Sharona are studying a large mural in the hallway.
MONK: See that? The class of '77.
SHARONA: We had one of these murals in our high school, too. Everybody painted a little piece of it.
Adrian immediately is drawn to something on the wall, his eyes light up.
MONK: Trudy painted these flowers.
SHARONA: How can you tell?
He sounds in awe.
MONK: I can tell...
They turn to leave when the college coach comes quickly over to stop them.
COACH: Hey, hey, hey, not so fast, sister! I'm Kyle Patterson's father. You were hassling my kid during second period.
Sharona looks at him in disbelief. During all of this, the coach is scratching himself and rubbing something from his nose. Adrian looks disgusted by the display.
SHARONA: Excuse me?
MONK: Uh, I was there. Your son was way out of line. He threw an eraser at me.
COACH: He says it was an accident.
MONK: Well, maybe it was.
Sharona looks at him in anger, she needs back up and Adrian's not supplying it.
MONK: Although, it wasn't.
Suddenly, the coach stops rubbing his nose and runs up to Adrian, sticking his dirty finger accusingly in his face. Adrian recoils in horror.
COACH: Who are you?
MONK: I'm, uh, I'm Monk. I'm Adrian Monk. Adrian.
COACH: Well -- Adrian, this is between me and the lady. Or should I say the other lady?
MONK: No, I think is between you and me.
The coach begins rolling up his jacket sleeves and seems ready to deck Adrian.
COACH: Whatever you say, Adrian! Come on, come on!
ANOTHER TEEN: Hey, coach!
The coach drops his hands and turns to his students.
COACH: Hey, guys, huh, never give up! You know that!
He immediately turns back to Adrian and gets right in close to his face, his face in a bitter snarl.
COACH: I'm gunning for you, pal! When you least expect me, that's when you can expect me!
MONK: Uh, wait, wait, uh, I'm sorry. Um... "when I least expect --" what?
The coach who had wandered away charges up to him again.
COACH: Expect me when you least expect me!
MONK: That doesn't make sense, though.
COACH: Uh... when the time comes, it'll make perfect sense!
He finally wanders off, as Adrian and Sharona go out a back door. Adrian turns to talk to Sharona quietly.
MONK: You know what the hell he was talking about?
*SCENE CHANGE*
The groundskeeper's house. An intruder breaks into the house from a side window, we clearly see it's Derek Philby. He sets up a little match with a flint piece of metal attached to the floor on the bottom corner of a door frame. Going into a side room, he checks for gas and leaves it on near the fireplace - releasing the deadly toxin into the air and makes his escape.
Later, we see the groundskeeper arrive home for the night. He strips off his coat at the door and then goes into the living room to relax. As soon as he opens the door that was triggered, the flint is struck and suddenly the whole house explodes. We see from the outside the glass shattering and several pieces of the house flying everywhere.
*SCENE CHANGE*
The burnt out remains of the house are being inspected by Adrian and Sharona, as well as the San Francisco Fire Department. Adrian coughs as he wanders around the soot covered rooms. Suddenly, they are joined by Captain Stottlemeyer and Lt. Disher. Stottlemeyer looks down around him.
STOTTLEMEYER: Somebody burnt the toast!
Disher looks around above, a coffee cup in one hand. Sharona is on his other side.
DISHER: Whadya think?
STOTTLEMEYER: I think it's weird! Guy worked at the same school. We got two dead people. That's weird.
DISHER: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say! ...Weird.
The fire chief walks up to them, a clipboard in hand.
STOTTLEMEYER: Captain, whadya got?
FIRE CHIEF: It looks like a pinhole rupture in the gas line. It happens all the time. He came in, tried to relight the pilot 'cause he wanted to make a fire, and, uh, he did.
STOTTLEMEYER: Monk, what do you think?
Adrian seems fascinated by the one unbroken window in the house, he reaches out to touch it with his finger, it bothers him. Stottlemeyer sees him doing it and brings him back to reality.
STOTTLEMEYER: Monk! Hey. What do you think?
Monk coughs and touches it one last time.
MONK: Uh, ah ah - I don't think he was lighting a fire.
FIRE CHIEF: You don't?
MONK: No, it was pretty warm last night.
SHARONA: That's true! Benjy didn't even use his comforter.
MONK: Plus, the air conditioner is on...
Disher leans in close to smell the burnt air conditioner for signs of fumes.
DISHER: He's right. It's on.
MONK: The flue wasn't open - this was murder. This - this was - this premeditated - excuse me...
Adrian wanders back over to the one unbroken window, he touches it with his finger again. He looks at everyone, then takes his elbow and smashes it out. He seems to breathe a sigh of relief.
MONK: You'll thank me later!
STOTTLEMEYER: Alright. I think you're right about Beth Landow - this is a crime scene. Let's lock it down! I want to put a man in the school!
Sharona seems to look at the captain in disbelief.
SHARONA: You already have a man in the school!
Stottlemeyer looks at Adrian, thinking she can't be serious. Adrian just holds out his hands and smiles.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Inside the literature class, kids are giving presentations of mock-ups they've done. The first girl is obviously a grade A student, and seems to appreciate Adrian a bit. Her name is Kathy. She presents her collage proudly.
KATHY: And this is General Grant, and these are the southern generals surrendering at the courthouse in Appomattox, Virginia on April 9, 1865.
MONK: Very good, Kathy! Very good!
For a moment, Adrian seems like the proud teacher - fitting comfortably into his role. Kathy sits down and Adrian comes around to the front of his desk.
MONK: OK! Excellent! So! Who's next?
Kyle immediately raises his hand at the very back of the class. Adrian looks at him nervously.
KYLE: I am!
MONK: Oh. Good...Kyle.
He comes up to the front of the class, and retrieves his collage in front of a very pensive Adrian. He holds it up for everyone to see.
KYLE: This is Sherman's March!
We see a shambles of a collage, plastic horses and even a large green tank glued down to the canvas.
KYLE: This is them burning down Atlanta!
Adrian points to something on it.
MONK: And, what's that?
KYLE: That's a cannon.
MONK: I mean, next to the cannon.
KYLE: A tank.
MONK: A tank, Kyle?
KYLE: It's a Sherman tank. It's General Sherman. Sherman's March, Sherman tank.
MONK: Ha. Huh, I don't think the union army had tanks, Kyle.
Adrian nearly laughs at him. Kyle gets mad and smashes it to the floor.
KYLE: My dad helped me with it!
MONK: I could be wrong.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Stottlemeyer and Disher are investigating a loft apartment in downtown San Francisco, recently abandoned. It's Beth Landow's place. Stottlemeyer points at her bed.
STOTTLEMEYER: She made the bed. Why would she make the bed if she was planning on leaping?
DISHER: I don't know. Maybe she was just putting her house in order.
Disher walks out onto the balcony and looks at the beautiful scenary beyond. He examines something nearby on a table, looking inside a teapot there, as Stottlemeyer follows him outside. He examines the expanse of skyline in front of him, with his hands on his hips. Disher picks up some sunglasses and looks at them for a moment.
DISHER: Ooh!
He puts down the glasses and then, hesitates. He turns and points at them, having a moment of revelation.
DISHER: She wore glasses!
STOTTLEMEYER: So?
DISHER: Those sunglasses have a heavy prescription. There were no eyeglasses at the crime scene.
Stottlemeyer now picks up the sunglasses and looks them over himself.
STOTTLEMEYER: Contact lenses?
DISHER: I don't know.
STOTTLEMEYER: Let's find out, shall we?
*SCENE CHANGE*
Adrian and Sharona are outside on the grounds, Adrian is admiring a tree off near the steps.
MONK: This has got to be it!
SHARONA: What?
MONK: This is Trudy's tree. She used to talk about it all the time. She said she used to get here early and sit down under it and write poems. Poems about me.
They wander off down the steps.
SHARONA: I thought you didn't meet her until later.
MONK: She didn't know they were about me until we met. That's what she used to say.
Suddenly, the irrate coach appears at the top of the steps, itching for a fight.
COACH: Monk! Come here!
Adrian and Sharona make a mad dash for her car parked out front.
MONK: Oh, my God! Oh, my God, he was right -- I wasn't expecting him, and here he is! Get in the car, here we go!
SHARONA: You're just gonna run away?
MONK: Absolutely! Join me, won't you?
COACH: You can run, but you can't hide!
MONK: Oh, yeah, I can hide! Don't think I can't hide! He thinks I can't hide.
They get into the car together.
SHARONA: He doesn't know who he's messing with. Nobody hides like you!
*SCENE CHANGE*
We're at Sharona's place. Benjy, Adrian and Sharona are all sitting around the dining room table having supper. We see Adrian separating all his vegetables on the plate. Sharona looks mildly annoyed, Benjy just watches in amazement.
SHARONA: Adrian, what are you doing?
MONK: The carrots and the potatoes were touching.
SHARONA: Would you like separate plates?
Monk looks quite annoyed, not sure how she could forget.
MONK: Of course I would!
SHARONA: Benjy, go get Mr. Monk separate plates!
BENJY: Okay.
[ PHONE RINGING ]
Sharona hops out of her chair to go answer it. Benjy returns to the table with the plates.
BENJY: Mom says you're having a tough time at school.
MONK: Huh?
BENJY: Something about a bully?
Adrian starts taking stuff off of his plate with a knife onto one of the plates Benjy has offered him. Adrian bluffs and shakes his head.
MONK: It's a misunderstanding...
BENJY: Mom says he wants to kick your ass!
Adrian laughs lightly.
MONK: No! I mean - yes!
BENJY: Remember Jeffrey Appella? Kept beating me up in the fifth grade?
Adrian sets down his plate and listens.
BENJY: You said if I ran away from him I'd be running away my whole life!
MONK: I said that?
BENJY: I hit him in the side one time and he never bothered me again.
Adrian looks down and absorbs the information.
BENJY: You can't be afraid of everything, Mr. Monk!
MONK: Really?
Sharona comes back into the room, looking pleased with herself. She sits back down in her chair.
SHARONA: Adrian! Remember Beth Landow's doctor's appointment? Well, it was with a Dr. Sedlick...
Adrian looks at her intensely, trying desperately to follow her conversation...
SHARONA: So I called my friend Maureen who's roomate's sister knows a nurse who works for him.
Adrian is still waiting with anticipation.
MONK: And?
SHARONA: She pulled her file for me!
MONK: Is that ethical?
Sharona makes a face.
SHARONA: Do you care?
MONK: No, I thought I should ask 'cause the kid's here.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Derek Philby's chemistry class. He's got several kids he's showing an example to and Adrian stands off towards the back of the class with safety goggles on, observing everything. Derek is throwing around a tennis ball. He comes up to a female student.
DEREK: Your basic tennis ball. Cost me a $1.59 of my own money, Amy. We're about to put this in some liquid nitrogen.
As he goes up to the front table, he talks to Adrian.
DEREK: Mr. Monk, was your hand up?
Adrian looks a little bewildered in the corner.
MONK: No - I have some questions, but - not about your tennis ball.
Derek is now sitting on a stool up front, he picks up the ball in some tongs and dips it into the smoking liquid. It sizzles. The whole class and even Adrian watch with interest. Showing the ball from the liquid, Derek shatters it on the edge of the table. Everyone breaks into applause, Adrian included.
DEREK: And we just demonstrated what? The atomic reaarangement of...?
CLASS: Disordered solids!
DEREK: Q.E.D...thus it is proved.
[ BELL RINGS ]
The class heads out. All except Adrian.
DEREK: OK, put the goggles back on the lab shelf and remember next Thursday's mid terms, alright?
A student files past his desk.
MARSHA: Goodbye, Mr. P!
DEREK: Goodbye, Marsha!
Adrian stands expectantly after the students. Derek puts something down and addresses him.
DEREK: Mr. Monk, you had a question?
MONK: If you wouldn't mind?
Derek is sweeping something off the desk and dumping it in the trash, the remainder of the ball.
DEREK: That's what teachers do. Satisfy curiosity.
MONK: Did you know Beth Landow was pregnant when she died?
Derek stops and smiles in a peculiar way.
DEREK: No. No, I didn't, but that would explain why she jumped, wouldn't it? The baby's father, whoever he was, must've run out on her, huh?
MONK: You!
Derek glares at him.
MONK: You were the father.
Derek just laughs.
DEREK: Unfortunately -- you can't prove that, Mr. Monk -- her body's already been cremated!
MONK: What did she do? Threaten to tell your wife?
Derek stops what he's doing again.
MONK: You would have lost everything. Your new job...family...
DEREK: Again -- impossible to prove! I think you're failing this course Mr. Monk.
He looks a little too smug. Adrian just seems more confident.
MONK: I think I'm doing alright -- I have a motive now.
Derek starts raising his voice as he feels a bit cornered.
DEREK: We'll you're going to have to do a little better than that, Mr. Monk 'cause your in a science classroom now and when you're in my classroom, if you have a theory you better have some proof to back it up!
He glares angrily at Adrian. Adrian now knows he feels clearly threatened. Adrian seems angered by his audacity.
DEREK: I was proctoring the SAT test when that poor girl died! I never - left - the room! OK?!
He seems cool again as he rubs his nose in obvious frustration. Adrian can't reply. Derek points at some animals in cages nearby, a little mouse and a huge snake right next to it behind glass.
DEREK: If that mouse vanished, you could think the snake did it! I mean he's got motive, he's hungry likes to eat mice but he's in a separate cage. There's no way the snake could have done it, it's one of the immutable laws of physics, Mr. Monk. Nothing can be in two places at the same time.
Derek and Adrian are standing in front of the snake and mouse, Derek turns to Adrian. The snake is rearing it's head.
DEREK: Any thoughts?
MONK: I think the snake did it!
*SCENE CHANGE*
Adrian and Sharona are on the roof of the clock tower. Sharona is looking down below as Adrian paces nervously over on the other side.
MONK: No sign of a struggle - the jacket folded neatly, the shoes were over there. Note was in her pocket and he was -- across the campus!
SHARONA: Maybe he had an accomplice?
MONK: No. He's too smug -- he's arrogant! You should have seen him earlier today, he was taunting me!
Adrian is staring up at the ceiling of the tower, looking like he's trying desperately to find something, anything...
MONK: How - did he - do it??
SHARONA: Adrian, you're going to make yourself crazy!
Adrian turns to her and puts his face in his hands in obvious frustration. He groans and walks over to the side of the tower. Sharona tapes his arm.
SHARONA: What's wrong?
MONK: I'm afraid!
Sharona grabs for him, worried he's getting dizzy.
SHARONA: OK, well don't look down.
She places her hands on his shoulders as he turns back.
MONK: No, I'm afraid he's going to get away with it...
Sharona levels with him, putting her hand on his shoulder.
SHARONA: You'll get him! You always do!
Adrian shakes his head in disagreement.
MONK: I think this guy - is smarter than me!
SHARONA: Nobody's smarter than you! Come on - you'll think a lot better when you're not so high up!
She leads him off the roof.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Sharona is coming down the steps with Adrian in the interior of the tower. Adrian wipes the dust from his jacket and Sharona hesitates at the bottom of the stairs. She looks around her, and then notices something she hasn't before. She goes over to pick it up. It's a broken pair of eyeglasses.
SHARONA: Adrian...!
MONK: What is it?
SHARONA: Eyeglasses!
Adrian knows immediately the meaning.
MONK: They're Beth Landow's!
He comes over to look at them closer.
MONK: Stottlemeyer called, he said they still haven't been able to locate them!
SHARONA: Adrian, if she jumped from the roof -- how'd they get here?
Adrian looks skyward.
MONK: See, that's a good question!
SHARONA: Thank you, boss!
*SCENE CHANGE*
We're now back outside, Sharona and Adrian are heading for the steps to her car, when they hear a familiar voice.
COACH: Hey, professor!
They turn to Kyle's dad standing waiting for them.
COACH: It's showtime!
Sharona grabs Adrian's sleeve to make their get away.
SHARONA: Oh my God! Keep walking! If he catches up with us, fall to the ground, curl up in a ball and protect your face!
Adrian suddenly stops.
MONK: No, no, no! I can't -- I can't keep running! Benjy was right -- I can't run away from everything!
Sharona breathes 'Yes, you can!' but she doesn't convince him. He turns back to the coach. The coach is rolling up his sleeves again and baring his fists.
COACH: You'll be picking up your teeth with your broken fingers...
The coach is getting warmed up for battle as Adrian and Sharona converse.
MONK: Did you hear that - about the teeth and the fingers...
SHARONA: You want to call the police?
MONK: No, no - I gotta do this!
He turns to the coach, Sharona begs him to stop with her hand on his arm. But, Adrian is determined to fight. He puts up his dukes and does a strange little dance in front of the coach, half looking and half closing his eyes.
COACH: C'mon...c'mon!
The coach stops and sees what Adrian is doing, he looks confused. He looks at Sharona.
COACH: What?!
Adrian continues to stumble around, foolishly. Angered, the coach looks ready to haul off and hit him when the clock tower bells ring.
COACH: You hear that Mr. Monk? It's 10AM, at 10:05 - you're going to be waking up in an emergency room!
Now he is ready to hit him when Sharona screams out "NO!" and throws up her hand in a last ditch effort to protect Adrian. Adrian stops him.
MONK: Wait, wait, wait!
COACH: Whadya mean wait?! C'mon!! C'mon, we're fighting here!
MONK: Wait! Cut it out for just a minute, will ya - I'm thinking here!!
COACH: I'm thinking too -- I'm thinking about punching your lights out!
SHARONA: Will you shut up? Shut up!
The coach though frustrated, realizes he can't argue with her and drops his macho stance. Sharona looks at Adrian as he stares up at the clock face.
SHARONA: Did you solve the case?
Adrian turns to the coach.
MONK: Thank you! Thank you!
COACH: For what?
MONK: I couldn't have done it without you! I'm going to give your boy an A!
The coach looks totally shocked, he's not sure what to do now.
COACH: Really? Well - alright then! So...who won here?
Sharona and Adrian just look at one another.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Adrian walks into Derek's deserted classroom, Derek is busily grading or writing notes silently off to the side.
DEREK: Mr. Monk!
MONK: Derek, just wanted to stop in to say goodbye. They found a full-time replacement for the class. She's coming in tomorrow.
DEREK: Ah, I'm sorry to hear that Mr. Monk. A good teacher merely explains, a great one inspires!
Adrian looks disgusted with him now and doesn't hide it. But, he braves a smile.
DEREK: I think you could have been a great teacher!
MONK: Oh, I'll still be here - just won't be teaching.
DEREK: Oh yes - your hypothetical murder investigation, how is that going?
MONK: Pretty well...actually! Thanks for asking! We just got a big break, her - her eyeglasses...
Derek looks up, something is triggered inside of him. He has left something behind...
DEREK: Eyeglasses...?
MONK: Beth Landow always wore glasses, seems she was blind without them. But, they - um - weren't near her body or on the roof. Where are they, do you suppose?
DEREK: I don't know...
MONK: Ohhh...we'll find them. Tomorrow morning there will be about two hundred police cadets - here - searching every square inch of the campus. We'll find them. And - when we do - we'll - we'll know where Beth Landow was killed.
Derek stops and thinks about it for a moment.
DEREK: Ah - good luck! Yeah - good luck!
Adrian nods in a chummy way and decides to leave. But, as he does, he notices that Derek forgot to dot his 'i' on the chalkboard announcement near the door. He stops, adds it and leaves. Derek rolls his eyes for a minute and looks relieved he's left.
*SCENE CHANGE*
Nightfall in front of the campus. Derek lets himself into the clocktower with a set of keys he has. He climbs the stairs and searches for Beth's broken glasses with a flashlight. He finds it and turns off the light.
Outside, he tries to make his clean getaway, when he is suddenly met by Adrian, Disher, Sharona, Stottlemeyer and several police officers. They shine a light on him.
MONK: Working late, Mr. Philby?
DEREK: What's going on?
DISHER: Mr. Philby, you're under arrest for murder in the first degree, special circumstances.
Some officers come up behind Derek and get set to handcuff him.
DEREK: Come on! That's insane! I told you, I was...
We see the black and white frames of the entire crime play out as Adrian Monk narrates what happened.
MONK: Proctoring the SATs at the time -- I know. It took me forever to figure out how you pulled it off. But then it hit me -- you killed Beth Landow before the test started. You met her on the clocktower roof that morning at about 8:00 --20 minutes before the test. Then you killed her. And you carried her body down the stairs to the clock room. This was inspired...she fell, all right... but not from the roof. She fell from the clock. You laid her body out on the minute hand. It was 8:15, so the hand was perfectly horizontal. The SATs were to begin at 8:20. You had five minutes to get back to the classroom -- plenty of time. And you let gravity do the rest. It was just like one of your science experiments.
STOTTLEMEYER: You took a pretty big risk, Philby! Hiding the body in plain sight.
MONK: But it wasn't such a bad bet. That side of the tower faced the athletic field, which, on a Saturday morning, was completely deserted. Tick-tock... until 8:25, when the body slid off the clock and landed on your car. You made sure that the alarm was activated so that everyone would know exactly when she fell. It was a perfect alibi. There was only one problem. The groundskeeper just happened to see you.
SHARONA: But you took care of him later.
DEREK: I told you, Mr. Monk, a theory is just that unless you have some proof.
MONK: It's true. I don't have any proof. But you do -- it's in your hand!
Derek looks at the glasses, he now knows he has to explain it pretty fast.
DEREK: Oh. See, I-I found these on the roof. I think they're Beth Landow's. I think you're looking for them.
MONK: You didn't find them on the roof. You found them in the clock room under the gear box because I put them there two hours ago. Only Beth Landow's killer would've known to look for them there. Q.E.D. Quod erat demonstrandum. Thus, it is proved.
With that, Adrian walks off leaving a totally frightened and bewildered Derek to soak it in as an officer clamps the cuffs down on his wrists.
DISHER: Get him out of here!
*SCENE CHANGE*
It's daytime outside the college. Arleen and Sharona are walking together and chatting.
ARLEEN: I guess we have to find another science teacher!
SHARONA: Well, make sure you check their references!
ARLEEN: I will!
SHARONA: What was she like?
ARLEEN: Who?
SHARONA: Trudy?
ARLEEN: Smart. Quiet. Didn't date much. Said she was waiting for the right man, said she'd know him when she met him.
SHARONA: She met him.
ARLEEN: Where is Mr. Monk, I'd love to thank him.
They stop and Sharona smiles at her. She points off into the distance.
SHARONA: He's with her!
We see Adrian reading some of Trudy's poetry by her tree. Sharona smiles at him in a sort of quiet tenderness. We see a picture in Trudy's yearbook of her smiling and holding some books. Adrian stares up at the tree, touching it lightly with his hand and quietly introspective.
FADE OUT
*END CREDITS*
